187. We Didn’t Plan For This: Moving, Grieving & Growing Up

The move they never planned. 

In this week’s episode, you’ll hear a conversation between Campbell and Nora about college, independence, grief, and what it feels like to move forward after losing a parent. The milestones Brian should be here for, and the unexpected ways family can show up when life takes a turn no one saw coming.

It’s a conversation about change, uncertainty, and learning to carry someone with you even when they can no longer walk beside you.

Because sometimes the life we’re living isn’t the one we planned for—but it’s the one we’re learning to navigate anyway.

For those who have reached out asking how to support Adrienne and her family during this time, click here to donate. There is absolutely no expectation—just sincere gratitude.

We Didn't Plan For This Special Series

This series exists because so many of you reached out and said, “I didn’t plan for this either.”

If you’ve gone through a diagnosis, a loss, a life change, a career shift, a divorce, becoming a caregiver, moving, starting over — we want to hear your story.

EMAIL US: WDPFTPodcast@gmail.com

You don’t have to have it figured out. You just have to be willing to share honestly.

How Yoga Changed My Life a Podcast

Send Us Your Stories!

If you have a story about how yoga, meditation, breath work, journaling, or movement changed your life, we want to hear from you! 

These podcasts are really about the same thing — how people move through the seasons of life they didn’t plan for, and what helps them along the way.

If you’d like to be on the show or share your story:  Fill out our guest form or email us at yogachanged@gmail.com 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to We Didn't Plan for This, a special series from how yoga changed my life. Normally on the podcast, we talk about practices like movement, breath work, and meditation and how they've changed people's lives. But this series, it's different. It's about the moments that shift everything, the seasons you didn't see coming. And how we keep showing up anyway. And if something here resonates with you, follow our show. Share it with someone who might need it. Or send us a message. Because the truth is, we didn't plan for this. But we're here.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Welcome back to We Didn't Plan for This, a special series from How Yoga Changed My Life, a podcast. I'm Nora. Today is a little different. I will be I am here with Campbell. Hi. And uh this weekend is Father's Day weekend for many families. Um it's time that they spend time together, gather, have meals, presents, celebrate the thing or the one um we call dad. Yep. And for you, it's also a big weekend in your life. It is. Yeah. I tell us why.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

I decided to move states. I'm moving to Alabama. I am living with my brother, and I'm very excited. Uh, I chose this weekend with a lot of intention.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

You know, I I have to be in Alabama before July. And so I figured I want to I want to work as much as I can until then, but I think I would, I don't think I could be here for Father's Day. I just know myself and I know that it just wouldn't be a good day, and I'd rather be closer to my dad. So if I can help it, I decided to move. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, that's obviously not the whole reason. I'm going to school there. Right. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

There's a bigger picture here. Yeah. This is part, it's part of the next chapter of your life. 100%. It is. Which you were trying to figure out what that looked like before all of this happened. I was.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

It is kind of weird, like, not weird, but perfect timing in a weird way, because it's like I, you know, eight months ago, if you asked me what my two-year plan was, I would have said, I don't know, hopefully I'm still alive. I think I don't know. Well, you just hadn't figured it out yet. No, yeah, I hadn't at all in I you know I was like, maybe I'll just go to school in Texas, but I really didn't want to do that.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Being that this is your first Father's Day since your father that you won't be spending with him.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Um, that this would be a good distraction.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Yeah, distraction, and also just like um like my dad was the least selfish person on the planet. And even like on his birthday and Father's Day, like if we did any more than like happy Father's Day, love you, he'd get kind of weird. You know, he wasn't he didn't like receiving gifts, he didn't like all the attention. And I know that like the best gift that my dad would ask for is to see his kids thrive and to see them succeed and to see them get along. And I think that this is just exactly what he would want for me. And also, he lived in Alabama around the same time when he was my age. It was when he moved to Alabama.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Well, that's interesting. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Isn't that weird? Yeah, like in the same place, same area, and my brother's car, it is the same car my dad drove. It's all this, it's very weird.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

It's that is that is really weird.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

It's like what do they call it? Like invisible string theory, where it's like, whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

They say everything happens for a reason.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

And I believe it, yeah. I believe it now.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Absolutely. So you've made that decision. How are you feeling about that?

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Um, it's a mix of nervousness and like a lot of excitement. I'm mostly excited, but it is something I'm really scared of because it's so new, yeah. And it's so different, and it's so like unfamiliar in a different way. Because like with Milwaukee, I moved and I had a plan. I had a school, I had friends there, I had, you know, mapped out the city. With Alabama, like I haven't been to Alabama in like six years. Yeah. Like I've driven through it a few times, but like we I haven't been there, and especially where my brother lives, like we had no reason to go up there.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

And so I I think it'll be interesting. Yeah. I think it'll be uh an adjustment for sure, but I don't think it's anything I can't handle.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Was moving in with Nick ever an idea that crossed your mind before?

SPEAKER_00 4:58

No, God, I would never do that to him. He offered, yeah, he offered like the day my dad died. He said, you know, I know it's far off, but my I think his roommate just moved out and he was looking for a roommate. Yeah. And I felt lost. I told him I didn't know what I was doing. He said, Come live with me. And I was like, Okay. And then a week later I was like, Holy shit, do you think he was serious?

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yeah, I remember.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

And then two weeks later, I was like, I texted him and I was like, Were you being dead ass about that? He's like, Of course. I was like, Okay, I'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

How did that make you feel?

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Him offering I've never felt more grateful and happy. And I was like, oh my god, like this is amazing. Like I felt like I I don't know, it just felt really good because I didn't really grow up with him.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Yeah, I was just about to ask.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

We have a 14-year age gap.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

You've you've spent time together, but you haven't actually lived together, have you?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

For we lived together when I was younger. Um, for like two to three years, he lived in the basement. Yeah, in Atlanta. But I've I've never lived with my older sister, and I don't really remember living with my brother. However, he does, and I was a nightmare.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

And she will also be in the area.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

She's yeah, she's a lot more down south. She's closer to my grandparents. She's like an hour away from Florida.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

No, him either.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

I mean, they're like next to him, like down the road.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

So you're moving into a situation with a network in place.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Yes. And we also have um family or friends from Chicago that have family and friends that live in Birmingham that I know. It's such a weird, like random city on a random map that pretty much everybody everybody I know, and and what? Yeah, and yeah, and um to people that mom and dad both worked with at course live near there. It's just it's just weird. Like it all ended up in the one city. So I think it'll be interesting.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

What do you think um you're anxious about?

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Just new, just new stuff.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

The unknown.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Just the unknown and being far away from my family is kind of scary. Yeah, yeah. Like I I'm very much a protector, like very much, and I'm I don't do super well when I can't be there for somebody to help them, you know? And so I try my best to do everything I can, but it's like I think this move will help teach me that it's like you don't have to always be there, and you don't have to always be the savior, and you don't have to always be the one that takes care of everybody else. Because it's exhausting, it's exhausting having to do that, and you know, it's this weird role that I've assigned myself that I just feel like I can't shake. It's who I am, and as no matter how many times people tell me I don't need help, I don't need help, I'm like, okay, well, clearly you do, so I'm gonna help you anyways.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

You're welcome. Well, now Nick gets to learn what that's like.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Yeah, poor Nick. He's gonna be like, why is everything color organized? I'm like, I don't know, I got bored. Give me something to do.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

She needed something to do. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Don't hurt your elbow so I can like tend to it. Like, that's what I'm good at.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Does Nick have any dogs?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

No, he just had he just lost his like 17-year-old dog that he got when we lived together. I know. But he has two cats. He has two cats, and so and I fuck with cats a lot more than I okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

I was gonna say, are you a cat person?

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Have you ever lived with a cat? No, I never lived with a cat. I mean, mom claims I did, but I was like two weeks old, so I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

That'll be a learning process as well.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

I'm also allergic to them. So we'll see how that but I'm allergic to dogs too, and you kind of build up a tolerance. So I guess we'll see what happens.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

If it's not life-threatening, yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

I'll just cope. I mean, I think cats are easier because cats don't force their love upon you like dogs do.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

No, cats are like drag queens. If you watch the Robin Williams, watch the Robin Williams skit. Cats are like drag queens. I'm not kidding. And that's exactly the kind of pet I mean.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

I'm not gonna puke in your shoe. Yeah, you know, you know that's it is kind of weird how much of a cat person I am without being a cat person. Because it truly is like if if I had to have a pet, it'd be a cat because I it's more like a roommate, at least what it seems like. It's more like okay, you have your space, I have my space. If we want to hang out, we can like kind of sit next to each other on the cloch, but like, you know, we don't need to be doing all that, like let me pet you and stuff. We don't need to be doing that. That's enough.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

We uh subscribe to a whole different idea about cats, but really yeah, you have a lot of outdoor cats, right? Yeah, but I like that. We live in the country, and we start that purpose, you know, they keep the snakes away 100%. Um, and yeah, snake bites are not good for dogs, so yeah. To protect my dogs, I have cats. How funny is that? I know I love that. It makes sense. Yeah. All right. Well, how are you feeling as far as um this being your first father's day without your dad?

SPEAKER_00 10:07

I'm I'm okay. You know, it it sucks a lot because I'm I'm definitely the type of person that compares everything. I always have. I mean, it's human nature to make patterns in your brain to protect yourself, but then your brain, you know, is like, well, they have a dad. They have a dad. They're going out to this restaurant, they have a dad. I'm like, wait, what do I have? Like, technically, I don't have a dad. I mean, I have a mom that acts for mom and dad, but yeah, I don't have a dad anymore. And so, you know, it's it's a hard adjustment, it's a hard pillow to swallow. I'm sure day of it'll be a roller coaster of emotions.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Of course. Didn't you say you were gonna go and visit his grave?

SPEAKER_00 10:57

I'm gonna try to. If whether it's the day of or a few days after.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

With your grandparents.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah. I yeah, because they live really close.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Yeah. And I I already told him I said I want to see you guys, you know, Father's Day or like Father's Day week.

unknown 11:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

I think that'll be good.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Um, because they'll also be missing him on that time.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

What do you think is going to be um I guess the hardest thing to get over, even though you don't like Texas? Um, you're still leaving a life that you have built here.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

100%. I'm I'm I'm still trying to let myself mourn that. Yeah. Because I've lived here for like six years. Yeah, six years. That's a lot of life. It is when you're only 20. It is. It's a lot. I've gone through a lot of change. And you know, I love my job so much. And so leaving that really sucks. Yeah, leaving the kids, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Yeah, I was like, I was like talking to my boss, and then we were talking about me moving, and she was like, Yeah, I think it'll be great for you. Like, I'm really excited for you. I was like, Thank you. Yeah, I mean, and then we were talking about college, you know, she's like, I I mean, college, give it a try, but don't waste all your money trying to get a degree, you know. Like, she was trying to give me advice. I was like, Yeah, but I kind of want to make friends my own age. And I like covered Luke's ears because I was or I covered the kids' ears because I'm like, don't listen, because I know you're my friend, but I need people that yeah, I mean the experience of higher education is so much more than the curriculum itself.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Yeah, it's the experience of going, learning time management, oh yeah, juggling being an adult on your own, having responsibilities. Um, how is all of that because you've kind of had a little bit of a uh a peek into what that is because you did have the semester that you did in Milwaukee. Yeah. Um what do you think you're gonna do different this time than what you did or how it went last time leaving home?

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Probably just make myself put myself in more uncomfortable situations because there was a lot of times in Milwaukee where like, and I mean, being there was an uncomfortable situation. I was far from home. I didn't really know anybody, like I only knew a few people, and that was because on Instagram, like they were like, Hey, I'm going to the same school, let's, you know, hang out when we get here. And they were coming from like 30 minutes down the road. I'm coming from 30 hours, you know, away. Yeah. And so I didn't really know anybody, and so it was an uncomfortable situation, but I kind of adjusted well, and then I just stayed there. And I wish I would have pushed myself a little bit more. Like, I never even went to a party. I never went to a party, I never drank, I never smoked, except like one time when I went to Colorado, which, like, that's not, you know.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

No, but you want to have more life experiences. And I I was scared.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

I was scared, and I was like, you know, it there's nobody to really like do it with, also, because I was friends with a bunch of theater kids that just kind of hung out soberly, which don't get me wrong, is so much fun. But, you know, I I wish I would have put myself a little bit more in an uncomfortable situation. But, you know, I don't really regret anything.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

I really don't. I mean, I loved Milwaukee. I would live there again in a heartbeat.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Yeah. And um, I mean, again, everything happens for a reason, and you you came home and you were able to be here. I wouldn't be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

I would not be able to live with myself if I had stayed in Milwaukee and not been able to be there for dad. I mean, I know it would be a totally different thing, like sliding glass doors or whatever, but I it it is really odd timing how I left school in January, and then that like May, dad started having health issues. And then August of 2025 was when he went and got a scan or something, and they were like, Yep, tumor's back, gotta take it out. And so, like, I I mean it was just all happened really fast, but also over the span of like a year and a half. So, yeah, I'm glad that it it worked out the way it did. You know, I'm just yeah, it's sucks that it did, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Um what did they say? You never know that it's the last time or that your time is running out until you know that your time has run out. Yeah. Um and it's the only resource that's finite. Yeah. You only have so much time with people and you never know. A lot of times you don't know. Um, so I think you should hold on to that a little bit. And while you're going through this with next weekend, um and and remember that there's still other people that miss you too, not just your mom and your sister, uh, when you're gone. And don't Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, what are you most um excited for about living in Birmingham? Not to do with family or the situation, but like being in Alabama, being in Birmingham in that city. Fishing. I did not expect that to be the answer.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Think about fishing once a day, at least. I love to fish. I fish on my arm. I and I've never lived in a place that I could do it. And my brother goes all the time.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Fantastic. Isn't that fun? Well, that's fun. That's really good. That's and also that's an outdoor activity. It's an outdoor activity. It's a new hobby, it's something that you can put into your next um routine. I love fish. I love eating fish. That's really good for you. I know it is. And it's good to be in a place where you can except salmon.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

I used to love salmon. Now it makes me sick. Every time I eat it, I get sick.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

I know. It's really weird. I think I ate it too much.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

I mean, burnout is real.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

I hate to tell you, like, most salmon that's farm raised has so many antibiotics.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Oh, it's so bad. Yeah, that's so much.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Yeah, it could be your system just doesn't tolerate it in a while. It's probably that, honestly.

unknown 17:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Look at that. We got nutrition in here too.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

It all comes back to nutritious number.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

At some point. Yeah. At some point. Um, okay. Well, what um, what is it that you would like listeners to know um about what you're feeling? That everything that's happening this weekend, the transition moment, the normal transition moment of some a little bird leading leaving the nest. Um, but in this case, you're leaving the nest that is still healing.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

So yeah, what do you want listeners to know? And what do you want other people to know about um the grief side of this transition?

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Yeah. I I mean, I the whole grief process is not really a process and just exactly like waves. Like you will always be in the ocean, but the waves just might be calmer one day or the other. Like, I don't it it literally is like I spent most of my life on shore and now I'm drowning. And it's up to me and up to mother nature for me to lift my head above the water and just try to see it through because it fucking sucks. It really sucks, and like it, it it'll hit you out of nowhere, and like, you know, it hit me today, just sitting there, just realizing that like not only do I not have a dad anymore, but I don't have the same physiology of who I was before that, and I never will. So now not only am I grieving one person, but I'm grieving the smile I see on my mother's face when she looked at him. I'm grieving, you know, my dad throwing my sister up in the air when she was a kid. I'm grieving the memories that we had. I'm grieving the people that they were. I'm grieving the people that I was, the person I was.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

And so Yeah, that's big, that's the key one right there. Is the person that you were when you when you had a dad is different than the person. Completely different.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

And it and it it makes me sick to know that my dad will never know that version of me. And I just have to keep reminding myself that that's not really how it works, and that he knows and he's here, he is with us, he is listening.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

And like I think that's what you also need to remind yourself too when you're thinking about you know, moving and moving on, and you know, feeling um separated and just know that he would be so incredibly proud of you and happy that you're that you made a choice and that you're moving on and you're living your life, you know. You're you're 20. It's time for you to, you know, have some fun and get some experience under your belt and figure out maybe take care of it. You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Cause I really, yeah, I really uh don't know what to expect. I mean, I like up until a few weeks ago, I didn't know if I had a bed there. I was like, fuck it, I'll sleep on the floor. I don't care. I'm just happy to be there. I'm just happy to be there. And um, but I I don't know what to expect, and that scares me for sure. I'm not the type of person that doesn't like to just jump into things. Like, I have to like really know the plan, know what's gonna happen. Cause I just love control. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

What coping skills or strategies are you using when these realities are hitting you?

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Um, just kind of grounding has been helping a lot. And my recent favorite grief coping skill is so stupid. It's not stupid. It's not stupid, but it is kind of silly. It's singing all silly at all. I don't know if I don't care if it sounds good. I don't care if I'm voice cracking or if I'm screaming, it just feels so good.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Yeah. It's the vibration. Yeah. So why do you think we have sound healing and sound bowls? Probably because of that. Probably because somebody's dad died. They were like, what do we do? Yeah. Ultimately, thousands of people's dads have died. You know, hundreds of billions of yeah, in in history. But um there's something magical and something. Healing about vibration and sound and frequency. Yeah. Um, and when it comes from within, there's something cleansing about it. No, it's so even humming, you know, sometimes for those that can whistle, whistling. Yeah, you know. Um, but I think that's one of the things that you you should also, you know, let other people know. That does, that does actually help. It really does.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Like in my car. I mean, I don't I don't torture my family that much.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

But what were you telling me right before we were still?

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Oh my gosh, I can't believe we waited this whole time to bring this up because it was on my mind. We're warming up. I was like, I I watched Gray's Anatomy when I was like 16, 17, and I was like, oh, sad show. Those people's lives fucking suck. I mean, they make a lot of money, but holy shit, at what cost? She's grabbing a bomb in some guy's body.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

Yeah. And then yeah, the first couple seasons were pretty intense.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Yeah. And then my dad died, and I was like, oh, okay. I kind of get the feelings now. And I wish I didn't. And then I rewatched those clips of Christina and Meredith where they're like, let's just dance. Yeah. Like they just got out of a fucking plane crash and they're like, let's just dance. And then they you would like just see their, you know, their their worries and their their fears kind of go away for a minute. And I'm like, I never realized, I never understood that until now. Yeah, the happy dance. And how, like, just the happy dance and the just like, let's just fucking fake it till we make it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

What else am I supposed to do? Taking control of the situation. Um, and like on a scientific level, it's overriding your central nervous system. You know, um, that's one of the things I mean, even your mom and I sometimes in the office. She's like, no, no, no, you have to change. I'm like freaking out about something. Somebody just said did something fucking stupid, and I want to lose my shit on something. She's like, wait, wait, wait, yeah, you have a new intro. Don't take that energy into the next. I'm like, oh, thank God. And then it's like hands over the head, and then the full body, you know, just let it go. Yeah. Inhale, exhale, move it up and down. Yep. Rebounding. Yep. Rebounding, jumping. Yeah. So I think I think it that's um an important point to make is that like things like singing, rebounding, you know, you can change it helps so much. And I've I yeah, I've I can relate because I've been using that in my life as well. It's like, let's change this scenario, let's change this. Yeah, these are the things that we have control over.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Yeah, that's what I keep reminding myself too. I'm like, why am I worrying about this? Like, I I go down these spirals, and then I'm like, why am I worrying about like none of this is anything that matters right now. It might matter in three months, two months, or tomorrow, but right now I'm at H E B and I need to get eggs. Like, right now is not the time.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Complete point A to point B. Yeah. And then when we get in the car, we can have a little freak out if we need to.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

Yeah. My therapist told me last week that I need to set a timer for 15 minutes every day to worry. She was like, I want you to just worry for 15 minutes and then just let it go. I was like, dang, that's actually really good advice. Give it some. I know, but I don't pay you like $100 an hour to tell me that shit. You told me it for free, and I was like, Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:24

Okay. That's it. You just have to pay for it. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

Fuck off. What is it that you want to leave? You know, with with this is the last time you're talking on the podcast before you leave. So the next time we interview you, it'll be via Zoom. Oh. Won't that be fun? Oh, yeah. We'll check in in a couple months. Just like 2020. Yeah. Not just I'm ready for my journey for school. Yeah, no. But what do you want to leave? What do you want to leave for the listeners? And um, what else is that I didn't ask you about? What else did you want to talk about?

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Um, load of question. What I want to leave is that your impact on somebody really matters, even if it's a small thing, and the space you take up in a room lingers more than you know. And so make it a good kind, make it a bright light, make it something that people will remember in a good way, make it somebody's reason to smile that day, because there's been so many times throughout this process where I've just been having the worst fucking day, and then one random thing will happen, and it is just completely changes my mood, even for like five seconds, and that just gives me a new perspective on like, oh, okay, so I don't always feel like this. Got it. Yeah, there is a light at the end of this tunnel, there is gonna have some happiness, you know, that like it's gonna suck for a while, it still sucks, it's gonna suck forever because he's not coming back. Yeah, but I'm gonna learn, I guess, how to live with that sucky feeling. Yeah. And like, you know, there's just small things, small things that strangers do that, you know, when somebody's grieving, when somebody lost somebody, like I went to go get my oil changed. And the guy was really nice. He uh was like, you don't need an oil change, you're good, but um, I'm gonna change your air filter. And then he like got me the one to buy, so I, you know, went and bought this air filter. And then I went back and he was like, I'll install it for free. And you know what? I'm gonna put some coolant and some windshield wiper fluid in here just because you're you're running well. And I was like, okay, thank you. And then he was like, All right, you're good to go. And I was like, No, I haven't paid you. Don't worry about it. I was like, no, I need to pay you. It's like, no, you're good. Just have a good day. And he was like, I just want you to make it safe. I just make it to Alabama safe.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

That's really awesome.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

And it just felt like it was stupid, but it felt like my dad.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

I mean, obviously, this guy was not my dad, but it's the only time I've ever gotten my oil changed before that was with my dad at this exact place. And so it's the only place I knew. I I mean, as far as I know, that's the only place in San Antonio that does oil changes. So I was like, I have to go there. And last time I went there, there was a fucking bearded dragon. But that's besides the point.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

But yes, and now you have to find a new place to change your oil in Alabama.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

I know that's okay. Actually, no, I'm not even gonna miss my family. There's a few places here that I'm gonna miss more. But I love the Alamo Draft House. I do the Alamo draft house so much. I love it there so fucking much. Actually, hey, you know what's crazy? I didn't get teared up. I'm getting teared up about the Alamo Draft House. The oil change place and the Al Yeah, Alamo Draft House.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

I'm like, okay, now we're into H E B. I was just about to ask you, do you know what do you know what the grocery stores are in?

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Publix. Which is good. Publix is good. Nothing can be. I had to live without it for a few years. HE B is like La La Land movie where they're like into different worlds.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

People that don't live here and have never lived here don't understand. Yeah. Our obsession with it. It is everywhere. For those who don't live in South Texas, it is just a grocery store. It is. But it's a grocery store on steroids.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

No, but they care about the people. Here everything's better. It is, and it's bigger too. It's bigger. I remember the first when we came to visit this our house, I think. Like when we still lived in Chicago and came to visit San Antonio before we were gonna move. One of the only things, like I think we went to the Alamo for like 30 minutes and spent over an hour in H E B just looking at stuff.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

Um, I believe it every time.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

I was like, they have pineapple cubes. It's like like Jewel Osco has this, but it they come with flies. I don't really know why, but I thought it was more protein.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

No, I oh I love H E B. So you have to, yeah. You have to you'll miss H E B. You'll have to come back and visit. And Publix is good, but it'll never be H E B. No. What else do you what what else will you miss from Texas?

SPEAKER_00 30:19

Um anything else? Probably like the drive. That is one thing I do feel like I tr I try not to take it for granted, but there is so many roads in Texas, specifically like where like out honestly, out towards you, out towards Bernie, out towards Holotus, where just like oh my god, this feels like I'm on like a fucking safari.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

Yeah, driving in the Texas Hill Country is a fantastic yeah, um it's it's it's a benefit to the area for sure. The Texas Hill Country, the drives, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

No, it is it is beautiful. I hope Alabama has some of that. I'm sure they will. It's gorgeous. If not, I'll just start driving back to Texas and then turn around when I get there.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Their trees are taller, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Yeah, they are. You can't see nearly as far as far hills.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

You can't see nearly as far.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

Yeah, I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

But yeah, it's gorgeous.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

I'm okay. It's a little bit more to manage. I'll just deal with what I can see in this radius, and then I'll get to the next part when I get there. But yeah, I I and you know, I've also lived here for six years, and a part of me, I think grew here, a huge part of me, changed here, and so it'll be weird leaving. It'll be weird, you know, not driving past my you know, house every day or the hospital or the hospital that dad died or my high school, but it it is kind of bittersweet in that moment. Like that's what I was been saying all day. It's just it feels all very bittersweet, like mostly sweet, mostly like, yeah, fuck y'all. But also bitter because like I love my job, I love the kids, I I love this house.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Is there anything specific um that that you think you will be missing more about your dad not being here?

SPEAKER_00 32:16

Yes. Honestly, like I my brain is having the hard time with the object permanence. Like, I know deep down that my dad is everywhere, he's in my heart, he is my guardian angel, he is watching me, he you know, has my back. But the other part of me, my brain, is like but also he's six feet underground, he's also dead now. And the last place that he was ever alive, the last place he was ever my dad was here. And that's really hard to follow swallow. Like, that's really hard to understand for me. And I keep like, you know, just trying to ease myself into it because it's like it's it's a hard thing to understand.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

Yeah, but it it have you thought have you thought at all about you know, the fact that your mom has to sell this house now, and when you come back here for Christmas is a very real possibility that it might be somewhere else.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

Yeah, and I'm okay with that. Yeah, considering I I think it would be different if I was living in more ignorance about the finances and this the will and everything that happened with that. But I know everything, and I know that as much as I love this house, I don't want to put my mom or my family at risk at all. And this house is putting them at risk if we keep it, so it's just not a viable option, and I get that, and I'd so much rather it be a you know a safe option to just not be in this ridiculously large house that we don't need, but it does suck because I love this house, and I picked it out. Did you know that? Yeah, I was the one that found it on Zillow, yeah. And I woke him up at 11 o'clock and he was like, Great, show me in the morning. It's like this is important, please.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Yeah, that's why I wanted to ask the question because I know that this house has special significance for this specifically. Um, and the fact that you're leaving. Yeah. And you know, you won't probably won't be here for the most of the downtizing and the things that are going on that are gonna happen in the next chapter. So how do you feel about missing that?

SPEAKER_00 34:30

It sucks. It sucks. I mean, I like I I feel really guilty leaving because I know that like it I don't think anybody else thinks about it like this. Like in my family, I don't think anybody else is like, oh, she's just getting away while it's gonna get hard because I've also been here. Yeah, you know, and I put the work in, and I but it's my own brain that's like, oh, so you're just gonna run away when they need to sell the house, you're not gonna help. But it's like I'm I'm trying, but I also need to prioritize myself for the first time fucking ever. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

Ever. Well, you just you need to start the next step. And for you, your next step isn't here. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, I could tell you that. And yeah, I mean, don't think don't get me wrong, we could always fly you back here to help move the shit the weekend of. Yeah, as long as you put for the to get a hole in that yeah, it's the whole thing of you know, now she's having to go through this and go through that and and not physically being there while all of the things that have been collected over your entire life, yeah, you know, are um having to be gone through. That's yeah, that's why I'm glad I started doing that. Yeah, like I went through the whole attic and the downstairs.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

The only thing I haven't touched that no one's touched is the garage.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

Yeah. That's okay. We'll get there. Yeah. One piece at a time. Yeah. One piece at a time.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

But it's been kind of like yesterday, I was just sitting outside looking through old photos, and I was just sobbing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

Because it comes in waves.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

It comes in waves, and I it it's it's it's almost like my body understands that he is dead. My brain kind of understands that he is dead. My heart understands that he is dead. But what I can't grasp is that the people that I knew my family to be before he passed away are also gone in a way. Even though they're right in front of me, they're also gone.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Well, it's that identity. Yeah. That's gone.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

And it just your mom as a married woman. That's an identity that's not there anymore. Yeah. Your sister is also a person that um doesn't have a dad. Yeah. And that's looking at her differently. Um, I'm sure that's gotta be difficult.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

It it is weird. Like I I look at photos of Mallory when she was a kid and when I was a kid, and I look at mom and my dad. And it just it feels like I'm looking at two different people.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

You are, honey. I mean, even people from last year to this year.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Yeah. Yeah. Everybody.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Everybody changed.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

And I I I think that change will be a beautiful, and I think it's I think we're all gonna end up fucking butterflies. And I think it's gonna be worth it.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Absolutely. But right now you're still in the ashes.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

But I'm still in the ashes, and it just it just sucks not being able to help anybody else too. Because that's like my only thing I ever think about all the time. Is like, I'm like, how can I help other people? How can I do that? We talk about our March babies, yep. And these Gemini, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:43

And then like super empathetic, wanting to yeah, Pisces, yeah. Pisces, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

I I'm trying to let that go a little bit, but it it did feel kind of good yesterday to just be like, fuck, that sucks. Yeah, you know, like um my dad loved traditions, and so there's a lot of traditions throughout the year, specifically around the holidays, but um honestly all year were just little things that he was like, Oh, you know, let's do this, gotta watch this, gotta do this. And it was just a thing that we all went along with because it meant something to him, and so it it's bittersweet to be able to live through those again and honor him in those days and honor him in those times, but it's also like I don't want to. Yeah, I mean, I want him to be here.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. But and you and you now have the choice to, you know, continue with those traditions and like you said, and and honor his spirit. Um, but you also have the option, just as a young adult moving out into her own life to figure out which traditions you want to carry on that are yours, that you that mean something to you, and then leaving behind the ones that don't resonate with you as much. 100%, you know. But you there's usually people pick a blend. Yeah. Like, oh, we did this with when I was little, da-da-da, whatever. And then, oh, we did that when I was little. We're never doing that when I was like, that was weird, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

Yeah, we had this um, you know, like the elf on the shelf. Uh-huh. I sure do. We have uh elf on the shelf, we have a snoop on a stoop, and we have, I think the only people in America that's ever bought this dwarf in a drawer, which is this ugly, fucking, disgusting dwarf fucking guy that hides in your underwear drawer and you and he gets into trouble with this elf, and they like hate each other, but they love each other, and it's so fucking weird, and there's a book that goes along with it, nobody knows at all. That's it. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. And I I remember talking to Mallory like a few years ago, being like, Mallory, do you remember the fucking dwarf? She was like, No, no one knows what it is. I was like, nobody knows. Where are did mom make that? Like, what happened?

SPEAKER_01 40:03

Oh my god, that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

So you do you have done all three of these? Yeah. Oh man. Yeah, that's a lot. See, it's a lot. You can choose. You can choose, hon. You don't have to take everything with you. I think what's something um that you can hold on to, something that your dad used to do that would just annoy the shit out of you.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Oh, um he I'm trying to think. He used to like get really if there was like a deadline or a time that I had to be awake, he would talk to me about it like days before. Like if I had to wake up at eight eight o'clock for an interview, he would be like, on Thursday night, he'd be like, Don't forget. On Wednesday night, he'd be like, what time again? Friday? Okay. On fucking 6 a.m. on Friday, I'd look at my phone. There's three texts. Are you awake? Are you ready? You ready to go? Are you ready? Are you awake? Are you ready to go? Okay. Okay. Okay, thumbs up.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Yeah. Little things. Little things.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

And then he'd like, if I like had something wrong with my car, like a notification or something, and I didn't tell him immediately after getting it, be like, what? You can't just sit on this. You can't just sit on this. It's gonna fuck up the car.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

That's such a dad thing.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

And you know what? When I such a dad thing is when I blew out three of my tires, when I had three flat tires and I drove to work, I called my dad and I was like, Dad, like, don't freak out, but like, there's this weird noise coming from my car. It sounds like air coming out my tires, and I have this huge nail, and he was like, Okay, what did you do about the noise? I was like, I turned the music up. What did you want me to do? He was like, No, you're supposed to pull over.

SPEAKER_01 41:59

I was like, Oh, I'm already about that poor man.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

I know, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Welcome to my world. That's just part of being a girl dad. Yeah, no, it is. I don't care who you are. I think that's just part of being a girl dad. What the hell? What well actually that's just part of being a dad. Yeah. Daughters are not the only ones who can be clueless about mechanical issues. Oh, it all just goes right over my head.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

So I feel like the least feminist person when I go to the car shop because I'm like, please just help me. I like look at the men and I'm like, please, I don't know what I'm doing. Help.

SPEAKER_01 42:32

Well, clearly you got help.

unknown 42:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

He put out these necessary signals.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

I really never felt more out of place until I walked into auto zone and I was like, can you help me? And they were like, with what? I was like, I don't know. I just need help. Something about an air filter. They were like, oh yeah, it's over here. I was like, okay. They're like, what's what what model is your car? I was like, it's blue. They're like, no, no, what model is? I'm like, Mini Cooper. Like, no. That's not gonna help. Oh, no, I feel so stupid when I I want to learn though. I think I'm gonna make Nick teach me, I think. Because you know, he still has the same car that dad had.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

I think that's a good idea. And like I got in this car in independent activity to learn how to maintain.

SPEAKER_00 43:25

Like, I'm the type of person that's like, if I don't, if I can't buy it, I'm just gonna do it myself.

SPEAKER_01 43:30

I think that's a great big brother uh activity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think and like And again, something that can be folded into your new routine in your new life.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

Exactly. I asked mom if she could teach me how to change a tire, and she said, No, when the time comes, you'll figure it out. Like I mean, it's really not that. Old white wizard teaching young wizard, like when the time comes, your powers will show you. Old white wizard. Old wise wizard was like, You youngling, when the time comes, you will know. And then the time came and I was like, I don't know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 44:02

I don't know anything.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

Yeah, it's like you give up your you give up your smart card when you drive your car.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

Immediately I'm like, I'm not a feminist. Please, I need a man. I need a man. I need a man. Take over. Take over. I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I like freak the fuck out. I'm like, this this light came on. They're like, okay, just press that button. Okay, now it's gone.

SPEAKER_01 44:24

So mechanics, that's not your major. That's not the field of study, but we're going to automobile maintenance. Anything mechanically inclined. No. Mechanical engineer is not in your future.

SPEAKER_00 44:37

No, it is most certainly not. I like cars. I think they're cool, but I could never ever get into that. I it just goes right over my head. I would I'd be better at like a mathematician job.

SPEAKER_01 44:50

You can handle basic maintenance. Yeah. I have faith in it. Really? Yeah. Absolutely. 100%. Super not hard. I mean, you don't have to get dirty.

SPEAKER_00 44:59

I don't want to get under it. You don't have to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

Unless you change your own oil. But that's really not.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

Is it cheaper? Because I spent like $120 on my oil.

SPEAKER_01 45:10

Yes, very much. It's cheaper to do it on your own. Shit. And it's not hard. I guess. YouTube university, baby. I know. It's your it's your uh generation.

SPEAKER_00 45:19

That's what she's saying. I was like, what happens when I I can't change the tire? Like, what if I'm on the side of the road, can't call anybody, can't look up anything. She's like, you'll you'll figure it out. Yes, you did. You were, I was like, mom, can you come teach you? Bought me a tired jumper thing kit. No, it was jumper cables. You bought me jumper cables. And then I was like, I was like, I don't know how to jump my car. And you were like, Well, whoever you're with will just do it for you. And I was like, but I can't rely on that.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

But I told you too. I said you just have to pull it up and follow the direction.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Yeah, it's true. Yeah. And my jumper cables are pink and black instead of red and black.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

I was just gonna say, it's really not that hard as long as you're not colorblind.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

And you can see the difference between red and black or pink and black. Pink and black. Yeah, you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:05

Yeah. It reminded me of when when I was a kid, my mom kept trying to get me into all different sorts of activities. Everything. Every fucking activity. Name it, I've probably tried it. And I also probably got kicked out of it. And so you only got kicked out of karate. And soccer.

unknown 46:21

I don't think you got kicked out.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

Yeah, they kept I they said I kept picking the flowers too much and hitting the ball too less.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

You mean kicking?

SPEAKER_00 46:27

Kick it, hitting soccer. You hit it with your foot. That's called kicking. Shit. Yeah. Anyways, um, but no, I did golf camp. I was like one of the only girls that did golf camp. I got a golf set and it was this little mini golf set, and everything was pink. My T's were pink, my balls were pink, my little um, little baseball thing, little bat things were pink. Clubs, clubs, my clubs were pink. And um, and the only thing I remember about golf camp is for some reason one of the counselors was like, Can you guys skip a rock on this pond? And I did it really well, and I got two Oreos. And this one guy was like, Can I win it? I'm fucking winning.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

I didn't get a single ball and a single hole. I think we've hit everything on the list. I think we've nailed it. Yeah, is there anything else that you feel like you want to get off your chest before we go? Before we wrap it up, um, I think I'm good. Thank you for sharing. Until next week. Thank you for listening. This is Nora and Gamble. Signing off.

SPEAKER_03 47:44

If this conversation meant something to you, share it with someone who might need it too, or reach out and tell us what landed with you at yoga changed on Instagram. And before you go, take a breath. Take a second. You don't have to have everything figured out right now. We didn't plan for this. But we're here.